


titles are hard. happy holiday season, donger

by happy_holiday_season_ru



Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: F/M, One-Sided Attraction, RUUUUUU, Ruchika fucks up, Slight OOC, Song Lyrics, Song: Wonderwall (Oasis), Songfic, and shreya makes the second because that also feels accurate, ansh makes the first sex joke because that feels accurate, apu is horrified, but that's regular, don't hate me, i really went for the memes here, pun-game weak, really shitty puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:01:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21773350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happy_holiday_season_ru/pseuds/happy_holiday_season_ru
Relationships: Ruchika Dongre/Aparajito Saha (one-sided)
Kudos: 5





	titles are hard. happy holiday season, donger

_Today is gonna be the day  
That they're gonna throw it back to you_

She sighed. It felt as though a week had passed since her last conversation with him, but somehow it had only been a day and a half. A day and a half. She was pathetic, honestly. Pining wasn’t her strong suit. The wishy-washy hoping that he would come talk to her, feeling her heart soar and then fall as he walked past, the memes sent for his reactions that would only receive responses from only the rest of the group chat--this was unnatural to her. Who had she become?

  
 _No._ She was screaming in her mind, screaming at the daisy-chains of thoughts surrounding _him._ This was wrong. This was not her. This would not be her. Building her resolve, she pushed the thoughts behind a grim resolve. If she wanted something to happen, she would do it. Pining may not have been her strong suit, but punning definitely was.

_By now you should've somehow  
Realized what you gotta do_

“Oh yes. Puns. That’s brilliant,” she whispered, a smile momentarily climbing her face. Within seconds, she was thinking. Pacing around her dorm room, the mess that it was, she racked her brain. _Apu. A poo? No, that’s too predictable. Maybe...full name? No, too long. Too hard. Apu. Apu. Up…? Go up--wait, no, that’s lame._ Her mind was swirling with possibilities, her hours of scrolling through Reddit finally put to use as she jumped from meme to meme and possibility to possibility.

  
“Short and sweet. Short and sweet,” she muttered, her pacing becoming slower as she came closer to a solution. Suddenly, she froze mid-step and whirled to face her window. Gazing at her faint reflection against the dark street outside, she smirked. _Up. Messed Up. I messed Ap-u_. It was simple, it was funny, it was short enough that she couldn’t possibly get it wrong. Three words. That’s all it would take. _After all,_ she reminded herself, _I’m Ruchika fucking Dongre, Bloomberg intern, memelord extraordinaire. I make puns as easily as I breathe. I got this._

  
“Hey--” she turned, a split-second too late, as she heard her door open. Her roommate, Shreya, had paused at the threshold, confusion painting her face. “Were you just standing there staring at the window?” Ruchika felt a moment of panic before she washed it down with false bravado.

  
“I was just thinking about you, Shreya,” she said, pouring charisma into her voice. _If only I could do this while talking to--_ “Did you need something?” she asked, her voice returning to normal. Shreya’s face took on a hint of suspicion before she brushed it off, assuming it was her insane roommate being her quirky, “not like the other girls” self.

“Yeah, wanna come to the lounge? We’re all just chilling there.”

  
“Who’s we?” she was trying as hard as she could to project an air of casual nonchalance, but her racing heart didn’t make it easy. _Please, please, please, please--_

  
“Pretty much everyone, I think? Anuhya, Ansh, Apu, Pooja, just, yeah everyone just come dude,” Shreya responded, turning towards the door.

  
“Right-o dude just give me a minute and I’ll be there.”

_I don't believe that anybody  
Feels the way I do, about you now_

_This is my moment._ Ruchika’s heart sped up as she reached for her charging phone. _7%._ That would have to do. She reached for the doorknob, pausing momentarily to examine herself in the mirror before she swung the door open. Her heart was thudding in her ears as she crossed the threshold. She forced her jittery hands to still as she walked down the narrow hallway, a nervous smile creeping onto her face. Lost in thought, she turned the corner and narrowly missed crashing into someone.

  
“Oh, sor--” she paused as she recognized who was in front of her. _Oh._ She scanned the orange polo shirt, “unisex” adidas slides, and infamous horseshoe-patterned True Religion black jeans as her heart sighed in contentment. She forced her racing mind into a semblance of coherency. Building her resolve, she prepared herself to complete the mission she had set out to do.

  
“It’s fine.” he replied, slightly confused by her mid-sentence pause. He watched as her expression shifted to confident, wondering what was going on. Knowing Ruchika, it was likely to be stupid, or corny, or an inane combination of both.

  
Meanwhile, Ruchika was building her resolve. _Game time, donger. Let’s show ‘em what we’re made of. This is gonna be amazing, how could he not love me after this?_

  
“Hey Apu, what do you say when you mess up?” _Fuck, I was gonna say “I messed Apu” after this. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Synonyms. Okay. Maybe...I screwed up? Yeah. Okay. I can still save this._

  
“Uhhh... _what_?” he replied, head tilting slightly to the side.

  
“ISCREWEDAPU.”

_Backbeat, the word was on the street  
That the fire in your heart is out_

She waited expectantly for his laughter. _That was great. C’mon_. She noted his mingled expression of confusion-horror and suddenly, her tube-light brain caught up to her. _OH FUCK_. She felt her face immediately flush and her stomach sink to her knees. _What did I just do? How do I save this? Fuck he’s going to hate me, fuck, wait, who heard that_...she became aware of everyone’s eyes boring into her, staring in incredulity and amusement. _Can the ground please fucking swallow me right now?_

  
“Ruchika, _what the fuck_?” Apu asked, and she felt everything slow down. What could she say to that? Was there any way to justify her massive Freudian slip? He was staring at her in shock. She wanted to die, but knew she had to make an attempt to explain what had just happened.

_I'm sure you've heard it all before  
But you never really had a doubt_

“Well, uh, you see, I was trying to say ‘I messed Apu’ but then I used messed in the question in the first part so I had to use something else and I was thinking as fast as I could and all I thought of was screwed and I figured that would work but I didn’t realize what that meant I was saying and then I said it and now fuck that wasn’t what I meant ok you have to believe me,” she rambled on and on, until a voice cut her off.

  
“So that’s what happened when I left the room last night?” Ansh asked, breaking everyone’s staring. They promptly broke into a fit of hysterical laughter, some going as far as having tears in their eyes from how hard they were laughing.

  
 _I want to die. Oh my god, donger, how’d you mess up three words? What the fuck? He’s gonna hate me now. How am I supposed to look him in the eye? No one is going to let me live this down. Fuck. Fuck._ “I’m--I’m just gonna go,” she stuttered, attempting to turn smoothly on her heel and leave but failing miserably as her natural clumsiness exerted itself in full force.

_I don't believe that anybody  
Feels the way I do about you now_

She collapsed onto her bed, face pointing directly into her pillow. She felt like screaming. _How had this gone so wrong? Why did it have to go like this? Why can’t I just catch a break?_ Her mind kept replaying the face he had made, the expression of horror stretching across his--in her opinion--perfect face, mouth drifting open in shock and confusion. Kill me now. _If there is any mercy in this world, erase the last five minutes of my life._

  
The doorknob turned. _Maybe?_ Her heart soared. She turned her head a few degrees to her left and watched from her periphery. The door was slowly pushed open to reveal Shreya, who was peeking her head in. “Hey, are you good?” Shreya asked, glancing in.

_And all the roads we have to walk are winding  
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding_

Ruchika gathered herself together. _Can’t show weakness. I’m fine. I’m fine._ “I am now that you’re here.” she said, cocky and self-assured.

  
Shreya tilted her head and gave her a look. “ _What_ was that, though?”

  
“You know, I just saw you in the corner of my eye and got a little nervous, that’s all. What can I say, you just have that effect on me. That’s all.” She rushed through the last few words, internally frantic to make sure Shreya understood. She saw Shreya start to come around. _Thank god. Success._

  
“You and Apu, though? How did that go? Were you on top?” Shreya asked as innocently as she could muster, and laughed as Ruchika groaned and stuffed her face back into her pillow.

  
“Hey, fuck off.” she replied, voice muffled from the pillow.

_There are many things that  
Would like to say to you but I don't know how_

As she lay in bed, she reflected on what had happened today. Though she had made a royal fool of herself, she had finally convinced herself into a feeling of accomplishment. _Listen big dong, you might’ve failed miserably, but at least you made an effort. That’s more than you can say about anyone you liked in high school._ Her heart sped up as she thought about Apu and his reaction. _He might have been shocked, but at least he wasn’t mad. That’s a good sign, right?_

  
She turned onto her other side. _I can still salvage this._ Everyone had been popping in and out of her room, making jokes and comments as they did. Though she still cringed internally at every comment they made, she had to admit that some of them were funny. Some. A few. Maybe one or two.

  
Apu had been asking them to stop making comments, she’d heard. _That was sweet of him_ , she thought, momentarily ignoring that he was probably asking for his own sake more than for hers. She sighed in contentment. At least she’d found a good person. There was that fact to soothe her aching heart. And who knows? If he could get them to stop, or lighten up, there would actually be no downsides to today--she’d convinced herself to make conversation with him and gone through with it, beating her nerves. A personal victory. _And_ , a tiny voice in the corner of her mind whispered, _if he does like me back, I just set up a great memory for the years to come._

  
She smiled to herself, refusing to accept defeat after the setback. After all, she reminded herself, _I’m Ruchika fucking Dongre. Bloomberg intern, memelord extraordinaire, and ideal relationship material._ Apu wouldn’t know what hit him.

_Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me  
And after all, you're my wonderwall_


End file.
